Scared to Death!

WARNING: Some people do not like to think of the prospect of death. If you are one of those people, you may not want to read this post.

In a few weeks, I will undergo a medical procedure known as Cardiac Ablation. Cardiac ablation is a procedure that can correct heart rhythm problems (arrhythmias).

According to the Mayo Clinic, ablation uses long, flexible tubes (catheters) that are “inserted through a vein in your groin and threaded to your heart to correct structural problems in your heart that cause an arrhythmia. Cardiac Ablation works by scarring the tissue in the heart that causes the abnormal heart rhythm.” In my case, the arrhythmia to correct is Atrial Fibrillation. I have had this condition for several years. Until the latter part of this past year, I have taken medication for it and it has not been an issue. During my routine yearly visit with my cardiologist this past December, I learned medication was no longer in control of the situation.

About a month ago, I wore a heart rate monitor for about 30 days, and it was determined that I am in A-fib 26% of the time. Therefore, the doctor wants to do this procedure on me. If it works, I will no longer have to take any type of heart medicine or blood thinner.

I am scared to death to do this! As is my standard modi operandi (M.O.), I have been trying not to think of how frightened I am. I am frightened of “biting it” during the procedure. Moreover, by my thinking, if I allow myself to feel this way then it inevitably will happen. How silly is that?

As I was stepping out of the shower this morning, I realized I needed to go with my emotions and not be afraid to feel. In experiencing my fear, I realized I am not afraid of dying. I am afraid of what will become of those that I hold so dearly when I am gone.

Okay, so I am not one of those people that are so self-centered that I think my husband and children won’t be able to live life without me. I know life goes on, but especially for my children…who will be there for them when they need that “motherly love”? I DO know there is no love like a mother’s love. I believe a mother’s love is the only true UNCONDITIONAL love we will ever experience. Will they know how much I loved them? Will it be enough to get them through to the end of their lives?

I experienced the devastating loss of my father in 2004. I still have my mother. At age 58, I am not yet ready to envision what life will be like without her. I still call her every Saturday to check in. I continue to enjoy hearing how proud she is of me and my sister. I still like to hear her words of encouragement when I need them.

If I die, who will do this for my children? Yes , they are grown; ages 30 and 28. They still have a long way to go before they are settled in their lives. Who will encourage them? Who will tell them how proud they make me? Who will love them to the moon and back?

Garth Brooks said it best in the lyrics to his song If Tomorrow Never Comes.

If tomorrow never comes

“Will she (they) know how much I loved her (them)

Did I try in every way to show her (them) every day

That she’s (they’re) my only one

And if my time on earth were through

And she (they)must face the world without me

Is the love I gave her (them) in the past

Gonna be enough to last

If tomorrow never comes.”

I have come to one conclusion. I WILL NOT BITE THE DUST! Not yet!

On to happier thoughts! Here are some cards I’ve been working on with a few retiring products. Hope you like them! Until next time…